To state it bluntly, my uncle cheated me of my wealth. It was easily done in my absence, in the three years I spent in Tōkyō. From a worldly perspective, I'd proven myself a bona fide fool, happily entrusting my uncle with all matters. From a higher perspective, however, I could perhaps be seen as a noble young man, pure of heart. Looking back on my younger self, I greatly regret my innocence. If only I'd been born more tainted. At the same time, though, I somehow wish I could go back and live again as I once was. Please bear in mind that you knew me only after I'd been sullied. If "superior" refers to one defiled with the passing of years, then you can regard me as your superior.
In material terms, would I have done better in marrying my uncle's daughter as he'd proposed? I don't believe that's the case. Pushing his daughter on me had simply been part of his scheme. Far from a good-faith effort on behalf of both families, he'd been motivated all along, in proposing that I marry, by his own devious interests. I'd felt no love toward my cousin, but neither had I felt any particular dislike. Looking back on it now though, I find some comfort in the fact that I defied my uncle. Marriage or not, he'd have cheated me either way. In refusing to marry my cousin, I at least was cheated on my own terms and not on his. This is splitting hairs, though, and hardly relevant. From your vantage it must, I imagine, seem like some foolish fixation.
Other relatives intervened. I didn't trust these other relatives either. Not only did I not trust them, I viewed them as adversaries. Once aware of my uncle's treachery, I was convinced that these others were treacherous as well. If true of my uncle, whom my father had held in such high regard, then much more so of these others. Such was my logic.