Impulsively, I cupped K's head in both hands and lifted it a little. I sought to regard his face in death. He was lying prone, and after one quick look at his face from below, I immediately withdrew my hands. It was more than just fear. I was shocked by the weight of his head. From above, I gazed for some time at the cold ears I'd just touched, and at the thick, close-cropped hair that was no different than usual. I felt no urge to weep. I felt only terror. The terror I felt, though, was more than the simple terror of my senses reacting to the scene before me. It was a profound terror, a terror of the Fates, embodied here in this friend so suddenly cold.
Lacking the wit to do otherwise, I returned to my own room. I began to pace its length and breadth. My mind commanded me to keep moving, even if for nought. I thought that I must, somehow, do something. At the same time, I knew there was nothing to be done. I couldn't refrain from circling the room. I paced like a bear in a cage.
More than once, I thought to go in and wake Okusan. I was restrained, though, by the thought that the scene was too dreadful for her. A firm desire to spare the ladies, particularly the daughter, from the shock of this all, held me in check. So reasoning, I would thus resume my pacing.
During this time, I lit my lamp. Then, occasionally, I would glance at the clock. Never have I seen anything move with such reluctantance as the hands of that clock. I don't know exactly when I woke, but I know it was close to daybreak. As I continued to pace, anxiously awaiting the dawn, my thoughts were plagued by illusions and fears of endless night.